Is my child a Genius?? (errrmmm No.)

 

Have you ever noticed how parents tend to take credit for everything good about their child?

I guess in many ways it makes sense, what with your child being a massive extension of ones ego. Therefore every time they do something a parent perceives as clever or funny they want to tell everyone…i.e

‘Yes, he’s advanced in reading – gets that from my side. Always had my head in a book’, (which has served them extremely well as a bank clerk).

Or that the childs achievements are often grossly exaggerated;

For example:

‘Daisy’s been swimming since 6 months old actually. She’s a natural. Gets her sporty streak from my side I think’

Sporty streak??? .... She’s a 2 year old in armbands splashing around, not a bloody Olympian. From where I’m standing she looks very much like all the other toddlers in the pool.

Or:

‘Giles is really into construction. His great uncle was an architect, and I’m very creative myself’

Construction?? It’s a wonky tower built from plastic blocks. Which coincidentally, little Giles seemed to relish knocking down with significantly more aplomb than when he was building it.

My personal favourite was when I overheard a woman saying that her child could read. The child in question was probably about 2 and a half – and the evidence of his genius was based on the fact that he had memorised the names of characters in a book. I am fairly confident that had he been presented with ‘The kite runner’ his reading prowess may well have been called into question.

Of course there is nothing wrong with celebrating your children. You should think they are awesome, because nobody else is ever going to think it as much as you. It wouldn’t be much use if you thought they were rubbish and incompetent. They would likely develop self esteem issues. And I’d certainly be worried if a parent thought their child was unattractive, or dare I say, an absolute eyesore, – even though those of us with eyes can confirm that these children do indeed exist.

However, the problem really arises when parents are utterly blind to the idea that their child may actually be in a category with 99% of others, and classed as ‘normal’.

By definition, this means they may have…’imperfections’ shall we say.

But why don’t we ever take responsibility for these, the way we so easily claim credit for the so called ‘good’ things.

When it comes to a below average sized penis, or a lisp, these parents seem totally baffled. Attempting to try and blame it one everyone from the Midwife to the chemicals in modern tap water.

As for tantrums..the child MUST be ‘tired’ or ‘struggling with his emotions’. Never being a little sh^te. Or if they happen to ‘fall behind’ in any area then it must be the fault of their nursery, or the fact that they saw a tramp having a wee in the park.

NEVER EVER anything to do with the parents.

Therefore I have made the bold decision to accept full responsibility for my little angel. Warts and all. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly. (Not that he’s ugly. He’s blimmin gorgeous, although he does have an above averagely sized forehead that even I can see. I’m hoping he’ll grow into it).

 ‘Slightly vicious temper you say? Yes indeed he has – gets that from me, I can be quite evil really’

‘Picking his nose? Yup I do that all the time, he’s just doing what he sees’

‘Wet himself? …. Well, suffice to say it’s not totally out of the question. (I was one of those arrogant pregnant women who shunned the advice on pelvic floor excercises, and has lived to regret it. Exercise my pelvic cloors? Good as gold they are thanks. Could crack a nut in them).

‘Stubborn, quite rude, possibly a tad prejudice, very loud….yep ALL me!!’

In fact, the other day I picked him up from nursery and asked him:

‘What did you do today sweetie?’

‘2 poos’ he answered happily.

Aaaah bless I thought. He’s about as un-charming as his Daddy.

The only exception to the responsibility rule that I have made, is that my husband and I occasionally blame farts on him, particularly if they turned out to be worse than anticipated. Hardly child abuse though is it? Besides, he’s beginning to catch on and now denies it;

(me) ‘who’s a bit wiffy then Mr parp pants?’

(him) ‘No, that was YOU Mummy’ (oh bollocks).

So, a little message to anyone that thinks their kid is perfect….They aren’t. Because nor are you.